I have never really thought of myself as a strong person. Yes, I’ve been through as much as the next person and that’s made me stronger, but it hasn’t made me feel strong on the whole. That is until now.
I had a long-term boyfriend who I broke up with a few weeks before Christmas due to the strain of distance. My feelings changed and I realised I didn’t want to be committed so young in my life. Although we split, we remained extremely close because we didn’t want to lose each other and the bond that we had. Everything seemed to be going pretty perfectly. He was somebody that I felt I couldn’t live without; the kindest and loveliest human I had ever met. I counted myself very lucky until New Year’s Eve changed everything entirely.
2016 hadn’t been a reasonably bad year for me, so I wasn’t as excited as everyone else to leave it all behind but still looked forward to what the next chapter would bring. It was on that evening that I received a message from a girl who claimed to know something about my ex that she wanted to share. I was just about to leave the door ready to party at this point when my heart stopped. I actually felt like it skipped a beat and I struggled for breath.
The words on the screen of my phone read: “He’s been sleeping with someone else for a very long time”.
I was in complete shock – surely this was not the same person I called my best friend? I screen-grabbed this strangers’ message and sent it to him in the hope that he would shun it. He simply texted back: “I’m sorry”. He was sorry? Everything that we had been through and he was sorry? Of course, I am no saint but I would never have dreamt of doing that to someone I loved.
The night carried on and I fought back my tears. The drink helped numb the pain and more of the story began to unravel in my head. It turns out the person who I had intended on spending my future with had been sleeping with a girl for well over a year. We had been together for nearly two. He had even managed to get her pregnant at one point during the affair. Or so she said.
This ‘other woman’ had the audacity to tell me that we had both been messed around by my ex. Bearing in mind that she knew exactly who I was the entire time, I wasn’t feeling very sympathetic and so I told her where to stick it. She completely broke any girl code that ever existed and as far as I’m concerned, she is just as bad as him.
I discovered all the lies through what I call ‘Female Detective Skills’. You give us a small amount of information and we’ll find out everything we need to know and more before you can blink.
The pain I felt was indescribable. I would never wish it upon anyone because it’s that bad. I felt broken. I blocked his number in an attempt to get him out of my head, but then realised I’d never received answers. He was the reason I was lying in bed at night trying to fit together the mismatched jigsaw pieces that didn’t make sense. He was the reason I was going to find it difficult to trust anyone again. He was the reason I felt physical pain like someone had stabbed me in the chest.
He not only betrayed me, he betrayed my entire family who took him in as their own and for that I deserved answers.
Not that I would usually recommend it because I feel like it’s a violation of privacy, but I actually tweeted about what I had discovered. I wasn’t looking for sympathy, I merely wanted to warn other girls to be careful. But the support I woke up to the next morning was incredible. I had people I didn’t know messaging me telling me how beautiful I was and to hold my head up high. Others commented on how strong I was and that got to me the most. I realised they were right. Who else would be able to consider sitting in front of their lying, cheating ex and grill them about what they’d done? I was determined to make him see what he had lost and how he could no longer affect me.
To my surprise, when I saw him he looked a shadow of his former self. It elated me and gave me a hint of satisfaction that he felt broken too. He told me how, because he felt our relationship was going downhill, he found what we were missing elsewhere. He loved me more than anything and didn’t want to lose me, yet he had needs he had to fulfill. I think I called him every name under the sun before eventually telling him that if anybody ever asked me if I knew him, I would say, “Sorry, I don’t have a clue who that is.’’ And then I walked away.
That was the hardest part, walking away. I had to turn my back on somebody I never thought I would. All because of his deceitfulness and the lack of control over his genitalia. I have cried, I have cursed and I have asked the question “Why me?’’ But there is only so much questioning you can do until all you want to do is curl up into a ball and never see the light of day again. I didn’t want that to be me. I have been there before and it wasn’t pretty.
So I got up. I went out. I met friends and shopped and ate junk food because I deserved it. I tried to do everything I could think of to make me happy and it worked. I was smiling, I was holding my head up high and showing people that this wasn’t the end of me. Don’t get me wrong; crying is a crucial part of the experience. You need to let your feelings out because otherwise you bottle them up and they grow until you have no control over them.
I was thankful this happened because I now have the whole year to focus on me. I want to become the best person I can be, knowing I’ve done no wrong and get that killer revenge body. I’ve had the haircut, I’ve got the new clothes and now I am ready for what life throws at me. Obviously, I am still hurting and the thought of everything that has been happening whilst he was sending sweet nothings to me and planning our future makes me feel sick, but I know this feeling will ease with time.
I’m not telling my story because I want sympathy and in no way do I want to scare you into thinking that you can’t trust your partners who can seemingly do no wrong. What I do want to show you is that even if you don’t think you have the strength to pick yourself up after being knocked down, you’re wrong. You’re so, so wrong.