The Google dictionary definition of ghosting is “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly, and without explanation, withdrawing from all communication”. This is one of the most brutal ‘trends’ that we frequently grapple with in the dating world and one that needs to change.
“Dating merely indicates a more casual relationship between the dater and a few people”
New York based psychotherapist F. Diane Barth spoke to Man Repeller and said “people who have been ghosted often feel that they are the person that has done something wrong”. She also went on to tell Man Repeller that the whole experience is “very traumatic” and the ghostee’s (those that have been ghosted) think that “there must be something wrong” with them.
PlentyOfFish (POF), an online dating application, conducted a survey to see how many of their members had been ghosted and a whopping 80% of daters aged between 18 and 33 told them that they had experienced this cruel trend. So why does this happen?
“People seem to be in a hurry nowadays to take things to the next step”
After doing some research, there was one particular reason that re-occurred often and that is to do with ‘dating’ in today’s day and age. ‘Dating’ does not necessarily confine you to just seeing one person, as would suggest in the word ‘date’, but merely indicates a more casual relationship between the dater and a few people. This is hardly news to us as it is now expected that the person who has asked you out for a ‘drink’, is probably not having ‘drinks’ with just you. However, after showing interest and making you feel special, why have many still been dropped with explanation? Men and women all across the internet have admitted to ghosting because it is easier than telling them the truth: that they are just not that into you. But some of us would argue that it’s better to know and be let down gently, surely?
Another common reason that people have admitted to ghosting for is neediness. The start of a new relationship can be exciting and wanting to spend a lot of time with this potential S.O. is good, but there needs to be some holding back until you have had the ‘official’ chat. People seem to be in a hurry nowadays to take things to the next step but remember that age old saying “slow and steady wins the race”? Well that applies to dating too. Getting to know the person and taking it easy without being in each other’s pockets bodes for a better future than those who rush into something without knowing all there is to know.
“Ghosting can have a detrimental effect on a person’s future dating life”
Sometimes what we fear is a ghosting, isn’t. People have busy lives in and outside of work and if there are messages that are more casual, they can drop to the bottom of the pile. That doesn’t mean you are less important but that the conversation just needs a pause whilst the other is occupied. This may not be what you’re looking for in a partner and that is up to you but we can’t expect our messages to be replied to within minutes all the time, as nice as that may be.
With all this being said, ghosting is still an immature and impolite thing to do, no matter the circumstance and it can have a detrimental effect on a person’s future dating life and trust within this. For the readers among you that are interested in men, Matthew Hussey’s ‘Get the Guy’ series is an absolute must-read. He also has a number of YouTube videos explaining how to reply to a tough-texter, which can be very helpful if you live in fear of saying the wrong thing and getting ghosted. Remember, you aren’t the only one that it’s happened to and chances are, it says a lot more about the person ghosting than the ghostee.